i woke up, i rolled over but rolled against someone, i quickly looked and realised that i was in Lauri's night and rememberd my dream.
i lay against Lauri and it feels sooo good! i feel just totally relaxt since a long long long time...
i feel that Lauri is snuggling up to me and i looked at him and i saw him peeking with one eye, and i said "get up mister, your to lazy!"
"i don't want to go yet!" Lauri said, and grabbed me and said " i'm just going to sleep an bit more... do you stay with me.? "
i smiled and said "why do you want me to stay ? "
"because i like you being here with me.. " Lauri said.
i blushed an bit, and really hoped so i didn't saw it, and i answered "okay, i'll stay, but you have to came up with an reason if they find us!"
"yeah, yeah, don't ya worry about it!, it will be all okay!!" he said.
and he snuggled up to me even more, i layed against him and he said "god, you know what ? "
so i said "what ? "
"you smell delicious !" Lauri said.
i blushed again and said " thanks, but i don't feel like it...."
Lauri giggled and said " don't complain, or otherwise i wouldn't have said it!"
i giggled to and said " i don't get used to my face in the morning, i think it's just awful!!"
"lauri got up and threw his pillow on my head and said "your nuts missy!"
i looked sarcastic and said "well if you started me, well then i should finish it!!" and i threw the pillow on him to, but Lauri was faster and got his pillow back and hitted me back with it.
i got it back again and this time i hitted Lauri and i runned in his bedroom, suddenly he grabbed me and i fall back on the bed with Lauri on top!
i was surprised which made Lauri giggle and say " Your so cute when your surprised by something..."
i blushed and said " your to sweet for me... "
Lauri looked confused at me, because of my words cause he didn't understand them why i said those words.
but i had some strange feelings, he made me feel so much better...
i had to cry, Lauri got off me and hugged me and asked, "what's up ?, wanna tell me ? "
i sobbed and said "it's just an long story, and it hurts to much..."
" but i already said once, maybe it will reveal your feelings..." Lauri said.
i thought about it and thought "why the hell shouldn't i tell him, he's going to find out soon anyway from the girls if i behave like this... "
with that i told Lauri the whole story, it made me cry even more, but Lauri was right, i talked to the girls, but when i told him it really revealed some feelings i didn't wanted to show anymore, but he reached me in my heart to show my feelings.
and so i did, it made me cry and laugh on the same time, but it really made me feel better since a long long long time...
i watched Lauri in his eyes, they were so beautiful, like Richard's eyes...
Was it possible that i was falling for Lauri ? that i begun to like him ?
it felt weird cause i didn't expected it to fall in love again in my life, but he made me think of Richard in an very good way which i liked, i realised Lauri was the kind of type i liked.
i got back to reality and realised i still cried and quickly dried my tears of and said "sorry for being like this, it's already an year ago but i feel like i had lost everything i loved..."
Lauri still hugging me looked at me and said "your now with me, i will always protect you..."
his green eyes where watching me and i got lost in it, my eyes where watching him to and i felled Lauri layed me back onto the bed.
his face became closer and i felt his eyes watching me which made me blush and i said "what are ya up to ? "
"this.." Lauri said and he inmiddiatly leaned in to kiss me slightly but so carefully on my lips.
i shocked and wanted to push him away, but he tasted to damn good! And i couldn't resist it to kiss him back, i kissed him back with a little bit more passion which made Lauri smiled and kiss me back more and he carefully opened my mouth with his tongue and he played along with mine...
it felt like we were kissing for an eternity but it was only an few minutes when there was an knock on the door and we heard Pauli yelling "LINTU GET OUT OF YOUR BED!, WE...."
he stopped talking when he opened the door and saw me and Lauri laying there on the bed.
Pauli giggled and said " well wanted to tell you we were searching for Alissaa but she's already found i see!"
i blushed and didn't knew what to say, but so where Lauri!
Pauli was still laughing and walked away, i blushed an playfully hitted Lauri on his shoulder and said " thought you would came up with something!!"
"well i couldn't think of something" Lauri giggled.
i giggled with him cause it was an kind of funny, and he asked "Do you mind if i do this again ..? "
And he kissed me again and i agreeded happily and i carefully rubbed my lips on his and i playfully opened his mouth with my tongue.
Lauri started to kiss me more passionater which made me feel so hot and hadn't been in that kind of way since a long time.
but again we were disturbed and Steel came in and said " SISTER, You are forgetting our photoshoot! get dressed!"
i giggled and said "okay, okay, be there in 5 minutes..."
"yeah sure and my brother is fucking my mother ofcourse ? " Steel said.
i giggled again and said "i'm there in 5 minutes don't worry!"
Steel went away and i had to giggle when Lauri looked at me and said " why don't we have some peace when i want to kiss you?"
i laughed and said "dunno, but i will be stoked with questions!"
and then i made myself ready for the photoshoot with the girls...
when i got on the set, i undressed myself and i wanted to yell because i felt an pair of arms around me but the person shutted my mouth.
the person turned me around and said "you're so beautiful...i just can't resist you.."
it made me blush, ofcourse it was Lauri and i kissed him passionatly and giggled and said "well you have to wait when we are back in the hotel!"
Lauri smiled evily and said " why ? why wait if we are here all alone in this dressingroom!"
i giggled and said " well i still have some time...." and with that i locked the room so nobody could bother us....
maandag 8 juni 2009
vrijdag 5 juni 2009
Love on the road Part 4
me and the rest where thinking we needed an stop at an gasstation cause we really needed the fresh air and an walk to stretch our legs.
the girls and me decided that we were hungry and we had our period all on the same time, how weird xD the boys don't like it.
when the bus arrived on the gasstation, we literally jumped out of the tourbus and buyed ourselves chocolate and stole the tv from the guys and started watching a girlsmovie.
i realised that i didn't smoked for a while and i called Steel, "Steel! do you come to smoke an cigarette? "
"hell yes!" Steel said.
and we walked outside and sat down on a bench on the parkingplace from the gasstation.
i sat down, and grabbed my cigarette and litted it and inhaled the smoke deeply and blew it out again and i sighed and said " i just can't fucking believe this.., i mean this was our dream Steel, and now it has come true! "
Steel smiled and said " yeah, know what you mean girl, i just can't believe it all myself to....this is some kind of dream that has come true and i'm fucking happy about it!"
Steel had finished smoking her cigarette and said," i'm going back, your coming ? "
"nah, gonna smoke another cigarette, and need to think an bit..." i said.
Steel looked at me and said "your sure?" and i nodded and said "i'm sure Steel."
Steel walked back to the tourbus and i sat by my own.
thinking and thinking and remember a lot of the last few years.
i curled my legs up untill my chin and cried a bit, i just couldn't help it, i just felt like i needed it and i asked myself "why you Richard, why you..."
while i was still crying i looked at the sky, it was night and the stars were shining beautifully in the sky.
it made me feeling sad even more, it rememberd me of those beautiful nights i had with Richard.
i felt the tears burning on my cheeks and grabbed another cigarette and lit it up, and inhaled the smoke deeply and blew it out. and again and over again untill when my cigarette was gone.
and i litted up another and inhaled slower.
"your okay Alissaa? " i heard Lauri saying.
i turned and i saw him watching me, and i said "i'm just not feeling that happy, long story..."
He looked at me and said "wanna tell me? "
i shook my head and said " no , i don't want to, it hurts to much..."
"but when you talk about something , some things maybe will reduce..." Lauri said.
i looked at him angry, and said " i just DON'T want to talk about it, it just fucking hurts to much!!"
i started crying again and i started running back to the tourbus, but someone grabbed my arm and pulled me back and hugged me and Lauri started talking "i'm sorry, i didn't wanted to push you in anything, please do believe me if i say that you can always trust me!"
i nodded and just cried and holded him and he holded me.
"i'm sorry, that i yelled to you " i said to Lauri.
he putted his hand under my chin and lifted my head up carefully and said "don't worry about it, i can see you've been hurt very very much, and i would be gladd if i can help you to ease the pain..."
again i felt the tears falling from my eyes and i said sobbing "sorry i'm like this now, it's just all so hard to deal with..."
" i can see that, you just have to know you can trust me whenever you want to, and when you want to, talk to me about it..." Lauri said.
i nodded and dried my tears off and said "Thanks, i really needed this i guessed, i mean the girls are good to me to, they have done so many things for me..."
Then Pauli stood in the opening of the door from the bus and yelled "Alissaa, Lintu!! Come on!! the driver want's to leave here!"
We nodded and we walked back to the bus, Lauri still had his arm around me and when he saw Pauli looking he quickly took his arm back.
when i came back in the bus, i saw the girls looking and i just smiled and nodded to give a sign i'm okay.
i went to my bunker and took the picture from Richard out of my bag and looked at it, i smiled, just me and him together, that was one hell of an time, we were both on the same concert from Hysterica, and i rememberd that we had an hell of a afterparty.
"your okay ? " Lenn said.
i looked up and said "yeah i'm fine lenn.."
Lenn looked at the picture in my hand and said "that was one hell of a concert!"
i smiled and said "yeah indeed, that was an hell of an concert..." i looked again on the picture and putted it carefully back in my bag.
Lenn took me back to the livingroom of the bus and i sat on the couch next to lauri and we all picked an movie to watch together.
we decided we would watch Dancer in the dark.
i watched the movie but i felt my eyes were going to be havier and when i woke up again, i layed against someone and i looked and i smiled " it was Lauri, bet he didn't had the nerves to wake me up and had layed an blanket over me."
i carefully pushed the blanket away and stood up to get something to drink, but a sleepy voice said " and where do you think you are going missy ? "
i turned and smiled and said "getting something to drink, i guess i fall asleep when the movie was playing."
Lauri nodded and said "yeah, didn't wanted to wake you up when the movie was finished."
i smild and said "what do you wanna drink ? "
"an cola please " he said.
i grabbed to glasses and filled them with cola and gave it to him and sat down next to him on the couch.
"what time is it ? " i asked.
"7 o'clock in the morning " Lauri answered.
"jesus christ, fucking early normally i can't get out of my bed..." i said.
Lauri giggled and said " your not the only one.. "
i smiled and said " still thanks for don't waking me up"
"no thanks, you really needed it" Lauri said.
i hugged him and said "still thanks"
Lauri just smiled and said " going to ask if we can make an stop at an gasstation, i really need an cigarette..."
i laughed and said "good idea!"
Lauri walked away to the busdriver and came back a few minutes later and he said "he's going to stop at the next gasstation!"
i smiled and said "jeeej!"
then i hurt my phone ringing, but when i felt in my pockets in wasn't there, so i started searching it and crawled on the floor from the bus to search.
but Lauri said dryly "looking for this ? "
i sighed and said "were did you found it ? "
"on the couch!" Lauri said smiling.
i sighed and took my phone and said "Lintugirl here.. "
"hi hun!!" how are you ? " i heard Anne saying on the other side of the phone..
"ooh hi hun! How are you ? How's it in Romania ? " i asked.
Lauri looked weirdly at me and held his arms like who's Anne?
i smiled and nodded that i would tell him later.
Anne : Soo how's life there in The Netherlands?
me: *laughing* i'm not in The Netherlands anymore
Anne: wow? how come?
me: because i'm touring with The Rasmus !!!
Anne: No ? really ? you're making an fucking joke!!
me: i'm not! and were in Romania in 2 months!
Anne: oohh really ? that's soo awesome!!
me: i will get you backstage passes!
Anne : your amazing! So when are we going to organize an party ?
me: don't know yet, because of the change of plans, i don't know yet when i will return...
Anne: okay, then we will see! but i've to go!
me: okay, talk to ya later hun! have an nice day !
and i hung up the phone again.
"who was that ? " Lauri asked.
i smiled and said "that was an friend of mine from Romania! She's just so sweet! totally in love with Eicca's music and himself.!!
after a few hours everyone woke up and was satisfied to know we would arrive soon at the hotel, so we could get some rest before we had to give an concert tomorrow.
when we arrived, we all took our bags and stuff with us and checked in at the informationdesk.
the woman behind it gave us our keys and me, Steel and Lenn where sharing an room, Sara and Rebel where sharing an room to.
Aki and Lauri where together and so where Pauli and Eero.
i heard Eero and Pauli giggling and i said "what are you guys laughing ? "
cause we think we have the best room, because we already know what the loudest rooms will be under us all!"
i smiled and said "bet you know it, so do i , i like party's!!"
both the guys growned and said "oh no, we thought only Lauri and Aki were the party animals, but we have 3 more!"
"exactly 5!" i heard rebel giggling
i had to laugh to when i saw the faces from Pauli and Eero and even more when i saw the faces from Lauri and Aki, they were totally stunned by us of being party animals.
"i think it's going to be an rough night", i thought giggling.
me and the girls went to our rooms and putted our stuff away and i got tired, thank god i had my own bedroom, the suite was quite big, so i loved it.
i fall on my bed, and falled inmidiatly in sleep.
when i woke up, i heard the girls laughin in the livingroom of the suite, so i walked into it and said" what are you girls up to ? "
"we are going out with Lauri and Aki, Lauri asked if you where coming to"
i smiled and said "sure i'm coming!!"
and i turned around and pulled on my leather trouser and leather corset so i would look totally stunning.
i putted on some make - up and did my hair, and i pulled on my boots.
when we came in the lobby of the hotel, i saw Lauri's mouth fell open, me and the girls giggled, we knew we looked good, we were all in leather, so how could they resist it ? "
i saw Lauri's eyes focussing on my body and i blushed an bit, i couldn't help it, it was just the way he was looking at me, the same way Richard looked at me... it felt soo weird.
Lauri handed his arm and i hooked my arm into his and with that we walked to the neirest pub and sat down at an table.
when we came inside i asked who wanted something to drink, ofcourse we all wanted an beer, so i ordered 7 beers.
then i felt an hand on my thigh and i looked, an weird man was talking against me in his own language so i said in english "please hold your hands off me... "
the man started laughing and said "ooh you're not from around here... don't want to come home with me babe ? " and he looked at his friends who were laughing.
i said "you've had your last warning ... "
the barman putted 7 beers in front of me and i said he could make an bill. he nodded and did what i said.
when i came back, i saw Lauri looking furious at the man who was annoying me.
i smiled and said " don't get mad Lauri, i can handle it myself, just ask the girls if you don't believe me... "
Lauri looked at the girls and Sara said "really in 3 kicks she lays that man down!"
Aki and Lauri looked unbelievble at me and said "what ? now you are making me scared..."
i smiled and said "guys i've had some selfdefence lessons, i just know how to kick..."
i already saw the boys holding their hands in front of their sensitivest place and i giggled, and said "don't worry guys won't use it against you!!"
after a few hours i needed to go the toilet so i went through the small hall and went into the lady's room.
when i came back out of the hall i noticed the man who was bothering me, was waiting, i pretended that i didn't saw the man and wanted to leave him behind ...
but he grabbed me and i said slowly " okay, this was your last warning and now i have enough of it."
but the man stood behind me and his arms were around me.
I fell hard on his foot and then kicked at his shin to, then I turned around and gave him a knee in his cross.
the man fall onto the floor and i said " don't try it ever again or you else..."
when i saw Lauri's face i had to laugh, his mouth was open of surprise and said "well you can save yourself indeed!"
i giggled and said "well know what to do now, but if he had an weapon, i don't know if i would have done the same!"
with that we paid the bill and went back to the hotel, we wished the guys goodnight and went to bed.
when i lay in my bed i couldn't sleep, i had to think about Richard again.
after a while i falled asleep, but i got an nightmare...
it was just all my fault, i saw myself running after Richard, faster and faster, but how faster i go, it only seems he's going to fade away and finally he did, i was just to late to save him... it was just all my fault...
i suddenly woke up, sweating all over my body, and i cried. i really needed someone now, but not the girls i realised.
i stood up, still crying and found the door to Lauri's room and i knocked on it.
and again, slowly the door opened and Lauri stood with his sleepy face in the opening of the door, but when i saw me crying, he suddenly was awake and hugged me and asked " your okay Alissaa? "
i shook my head and said "no i'm not okay.., can i sleep with you ? , i don't want to be alone... "
"ofcourse you can sleep here..." Lauri said.
and he brought me to the bed and layed me down, and came layed down next to me, i instinctly moved over to him and layed against him.
Lauri smiled and said "don't worry, go to sleep, i'm here to watch over you.."
and with that i fall asleep with my arms around him, which was now the safest place on earth for me.....
the girls and me decided that we were hungry and we had our period all on the same time, how weird xD the boys don't like it.
when the bus arrived on the gasstation, we literally jumped out of the tourbus and buyed ourselves chocolate and stole the tv from the guys and started watching a girlsmovie.
i realised that i didn't smoked for a while and i called Steel, "Steel! do you come to smoke an cigarette? "
"hell yes!" Steel said.
and we walked outside and sat down on a bench on the parkingplace from the gasstation.
i sat down, and grabbed my cigarette and litted it and inhaled the smoke deeply and blew it out again and i sighed and said " i just can't fucking believe this.., i mean this was our dream Steel, and now it has come true! "
Steel smiled and said " yeah, know what you mean girl, i just can't believe it all myself to....this is some kind of dream that has come true and i'm fucking happy about it!"
Steel had finished smoking her cigarette and said," i'm going back, your coming ? "
"nah, gonna smoke another cigarette, and need to think an bit..." i said.
Steel looked at me and said "your sure?" and i nodded and said "i'm sure Steel."
Steel walked back to the tourbus and i sat by my own.
thinking and thinking and remember a lot of the last few years.
i curled my legs up untill my chin and cried a bit, i just couldn't help it, i just felt like i needed it and i asked myself "why you Richard, why you..."
while i was still crying i looked at the sky, it was night and the stars were shining beautifully in the sky.
it made me feeling sad even more, it rememberd me of those beautiful nights i had with Richard.
i felt the tears burning on my cheeks and grabbed another cigarette and lit it up, and inhaled the smoke deeply and blew it out. and again and over again untill when my cigarette was gone.
and i litted up another and inhaled slower.
"your okay Alissaa? " i heard Lauri saying.
i turned and i saw him watching me, and i said "i'm just not feeling that happy, long story..."
He looked at me and said "wanna tell me? "
i shook my head and said " no , i don't want to, it hurts to much..."
"but when you talk about something , some things maybe will reduce..." Lauri said.
i looked at him angry, and said " i just DON'T want to talk about it, it just fucking hurts to much!!"
i started crying again and i started running back to the tourbus, but someone grabbed my arm and pulled me back and hugged me and Lauri started talking "i'm sorry, i didn't wanted to push you in anything, please do believe me if i say that you can always trust me!"
i nodded and just cried and holded him and he holded me.
"i'm sorry, that i yelled to you " i said to Lauri.
he putted his hand under my chin and lifted my head up carefully and said "don't worry about it, i can see you've been hurt very very much, and i would be gladd if i can help you to ease the pain..."
again i felt the tears falling from my eyes and i said sobbing "sorry i'm like this now, it's just all so hard to deal with..."
" i can see that, you just have to know you can trust me whenever you want to, and when you want to, talk to me about it..." Lauri said.
i nodded and dried my tears off and said "Thanks, i really needed this i guessed, i mean the girls are good to me to, they have done so many things for me..."
Then Pauli stood in the opening of the door from the bus and yelled "Alissaa, Lintu!! Come on!! the driver want's to leave here!"
We nodded and we walked back to the bus, Lauri still had his arm around me and when he saw Pauli looking he quickly took his arm back.
when i came back in the bus, i saw the girls looking and i just smiled and nodded to give a sign i'm okay.
i went to my bunker and took the picture from Richard out of my bag and looked at it, i smiled, just me and him together, that was one hell of an time, we were both on the same concert from Hysterica, and i rememberd that we had an hell of a afterparty.
"your okay ? " Lenn said.
i looked up and said "yeah i'm fine lenn.."
Lenn looked at the picture in my hand and said "that was one hell of a concert!"
i smiled and said "yeah indeed, that was an hell of an concert..." i looked again on the picture and putted it carefully back in my bag.
Lenn took me back to the livingroom of the bus and i sat on the couch next to lauri and we all picked an movie to watch together.
we decided we would watch Dancer in the dark.
i watched the movie but i felt my eyes were going to be havier and when i woke up again, i layed against someone and i looked and i smiled " it was Lauri, bet he didn't had the nerves to wake me up and had layed an blanket over me."
i carefully pushed the blanket away and stood up to get something to drink, but a sleepy voice said " and where do you think you are going missy ? "
i turned and smiled and said "getting something to drink, i guess i fall asleep when the movie was playing."
Lauri nodded and said "yeah, didn't wanted to wake you up when the movie was finished."
i smild and said "what do you wanna drink ? "
"an cola please " he said.
i grabbed to glasses and filled them with cola and gave it to him and sat down next to him on the couch.
"what time is it ? " i asked.
"7 o'clock in the morning " Lauri answered.
"jesus christ, fucking early normally i can't get out of my bed..." i said.
Lauri giggled and said " your not the only one.. "
i smiled and said " still thanks for don't waking me up"
"no thanks, you really needed it" Lauri said.
i hugged him and said "still thanks"
Lauri just smiled and said " going to ask if we can make an stop at an gasstation, i really need an cigarette..."
i laughed and said "good idea!"
Lauri walked away to the busdriver and came back a few minutes later and he said "he's going to stop at the next gasstation!"
i smiled and said "jeeej!"
then i hurt my phone ringing, but when i felt in my pockets in wasn't there, so i started searching it and crawled on the floor from the bus to search.
but Lauri said dryly "looking for this ? "
i sighed and said "were did you found it ? "
"on the couch!" Lauri said smiling.
i sighed and took my phone and said "Lintugirl here.. "
"hi hun!!" how are you ? " i heard Anne saying on the other side of the phone..
"ooh hi hun! How are you ? How's it in Romania ? " i asked.
Lauri looked weirdly at me and held his arms like who's Anne?
i smiled and nodded that i would tell him later.
Anne : Soo how's life there in The Netherlands?
me: *laughing* i'm not in The Netherlands anymore
Anne: wow? how come?
me: because i'm touring with The Rasmus !!!
Anne: No ? really ? you're making an fucking joke!!
me: i'm not! and were in Romania in 2 months!
Anne: oohh really ? that's soo awesome!!
me: i will get you backstage passes!
Anne : your amazing! So when are we going to organize an party ?
me: don't know yet, because of the change of plans, i don't know yet when i will return...
Anne: okay, then we will see! but i've to go!
me: okay, talk to ya later hun! have an nice day !
and i hung up the phone again.
"who was that ? " Lauri asked.
i smiled and said "that was an friend of mine from Romania! She's just so sweet! totally in love with Eicca's music and himself.!!
after a few hours everyone woke up and was satisfied to know we would arrive soon at the hotel, so we could get some rest before we had to give an concert tomorrow.
when we arrived, we all took our bags and stuff with us and checked in at the informationdesk.
the woman behind it gave us our keys and me, Steel and Lenn where sharing an room, Sara and Rebel where sharing an room to.
Aki and Lauri where together and so where Pauli and Eero.
i heard Eero and Pauli giggling and i said "what are you guys laughing ? "
cause we think we have the best room, because we already know what the loudest rooms will be under us all!"
i smiled and said "bet you know it, so do i , i like party's!!"
both the guys growned and said "oh no, we thought only Lauri and Aki were the party animals, but we have 3 more!"
"exactly 5!" i heard rebel giggling
i had to laugh to when i saw the faces from Pauli and Eero and even more when i saw the faces from Lauri and Aki, they were totally stunned by us of being party animals.
"i think it's going to be an rough night", i thought giggling.
me and the girls went to our rooms and putted our stuff away and i got tired, thank god i had my own bedroom, the suite was quite big, so i loved it.
i fall on my bed, and falled inmidiatly in sleep.
when i woke up, i heard the girls laughin in the livingroom of the suite, so i walked into it and said" what are you girls up to ? "
"we are going out with Lauri and Aki, Lauri asked if you where coming to"
i smiled and said "sure i'm coming!!"
and i turned around and pulled on my leather trouser and leather corset so i would look totally stunning.
i putted on some make - up and did my hair, and i pulled on my boots.
when we came in the lobby of the hotel, i saw Lauri's mouth fell open, me and the girls giggled, we knew we looked good, we were all in leather, so how could they resist it ? "
i saw Lauri's eyes focussing on my body and i blushed an bit, i couldn't help it, it was just the way he was looking at me, the same way Richard looked at me... it felt soo weird.
Lauri handed his arm and i hooked my arm into his and with that we walked to the neirest pub and sat down at an table.
when we came inside i asked who wanted something to drink, ofcourse we all wanted an beer, so i ordered 7 beers.
then i felt an hand on my thigh and i looked, an weird man was talking against me in his own language so i said in english "please hold your hands off me... "
the man started laughing and said "ooh you're not from around here... don't want to come home with me babe ? " and he looked at his friends who were laughing.
i said "you've had your last warning ... "
the barman putted 7 beers in front of me and i said he could make an bill. he nodded and did what i said.
when i came back, i saw Lauri looking furious at the man who was annoying me.
i smiled and said " don't get mad Lauri, i can handle it myself, just ask the girls if you don't believe me... "
Lauri looked at the girls and Sara said "really in 3 kicks she lays that man down!"
Aki and Lauri looked unbelievble at me and said "what ? now you are making me scared..."
i smiled and said "guys i've had some selfdefence lessons, i just know how to kick..."
i already saw the boys holding their hands in front of their sensitivest place and i giggled, and said "don't worry guys won't use it against you!!"
after a few hours i needed to go the toilet so i went through the small hall and went into the lady's room.
when i came back out of the hall i noticed the man who was bothering me, was waiting, i pretended that i didn't saw the man and wanted to leave him behind ...
but he grabbed me and i said slowly " okay, this was your last warning and now i have enough of it."
but the man stood behind me and his arms were around me.
I fell hard on his foot and then kicked at his shin to, then I turned around and gave him a knee in his cross.
the man fall onto the floor and i said " don't try it ever again or you else..."
when i saw Lauri's face i had to laugh, his mouth was open of surprise and said "well you can save yourself indeed!"
i giggled and said "well know what to do now, but if he had an weapon, i don't know if i would have done the same!"
with that we paid the bill and went back to the hotel, we wished the guys goodnight and went to bed.
when i lay in my bed i couldn't sleep, i had to think about Richard again.
after a while i falled asleep, but i got an nightmare...
it was just all my fault, i saw myself running after Richard, faster and faster, but how faster i go, it only seems he's going to fade away and finally he did, i was just to late to save him... it was just all my fault...
i suddenly woke up, sweating all over my body, and i cried. i really needed someone now, but not the girls i realised.
i stood up, still crying and found the door to Lauri's room and i knocked on it.
and again, slowly the door opened and Lauri stood with his sleepy face in the opening of the door, but when i saw me crying, he suddenly was awake and hugged me and asked " your okay Alissaa? "
i shook my head and said "no i'm not okay.., can i sleep with you ? , i don't want to be alone... "
"ofcourse you can sleep here..." Lauri said.
and he brought me to the bed and layed me down, and came layed down next to me, i instinctly moved over to him and layed against him.
Lauri smiled and said "don't worry, go to sleep, i'm here to watch over you.."
and with that i fall asleep with my arms around him, which was now the safest place on earth for me.....
dinsdag 2 juni 2009
Love on the road Part 3
The girls and me started packing an day before we had to leave and i had to laugh when i saw what kind of mess it was when we tried to find everything to take with us.
and then ...
*crash!!!*
"Oh Fuck you!" i heard Steel cursing. I had to giggle and said " Your okay Steel ? "
"I'm NOT okay!, REBEL YOUR FUCKING PLAYSTATION IS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM!! WHY??" i heard her saying.
And Rebel yelling back "NO, NOT MY PLAYSTATION!! HE HAS TO GO WITH ME ON TOUR!!"
and she jumped through the livingroom and picked it up and putted it carefully in her bag and putted the bag on a safe place were nobody would trip over it again.
we started packing again, and decided to have an girlsnight out only. that means for us....
totally getting drunk and enjoy the music!
so the plan was to go first to the pub and after that we would go into an club which only played Rock and Heavy metal and all that kind of stuff.
when we finished packing our stuff , we decided to change and i looked in my wardrobe, i just wanted to look totally stunning...
so i decided to put on a leather trouser (hell yeah !) and an corset which made my figure looking much better i thought.
i putted some make-up on and styled my hair a bit wild and on that moment Lenn came into my room and she laughed and said "Girl, your are born to be wild!"
i grinned to her and said " i know, sister!!"
Lenn then just asked "can i borrow an corset of yours?, i can't find my own!"
i nodded and said "just pick one out you like!"
Lenn did what i said, and lefted my room again. i putted some juwelry on me and looked at myself in the mirror, and i was satisfied with the issue of my look.
i came back into the livingroom and the girls said " Girl you like sexy! " i laughed it off and said " So do you girls!!"
We called an taxi, cause we knew we would get drunk tonight and we wanted to go back with an taxi as well.
when the taxi arrived we jumped in and he dropped as at an local pub where we sat down on an comfortable couch and ordered our beers.
when i stood at the bar to get some more beers, said someone " hello, precious..."
and i thought "Oh my fucking god, another fake metalhead..."
and i turned around and the man started to touch my ass, so i slowly said, "please don't touch my ass"
The man started laughing and did it again, and i said "man, this is your last warning..."
the barman said to me " And what would it be miss? "
i smiled and said " another 5 beers please..." and i paid the man inmidiatly.
and the man tried it again, he slapped my ass and i turned around and gave him a huge punch in his face and i said slowly " Hope you understand it now, i warned you!"
when i came back at the table, the girls were crying from laughter and i said "what? "
and Steel said " Why can't i punch such kind of man in his face! man i mean, they are only difficult when you are alone!"
i smiled and said " well as you girls saw, i can save my own!"
The girls started laughing again and they said "we feel with you!" and i looked sarcastic to them and said "yeah sure, i don't think so!"
they laughed even more, and after 10 beers i slowly started to feel an bit tipsy and feeling much better then i did since a very long time.
we decided to go to an club and we walked to the next club, when we went inside, i noticed an empty table and winked the girls and we occupied the table.
this round was for Steel, and she went up to get us some beers, i needed an cigarette, so i told the girls i was outside, and told them they had to tell Steel when she got back, so we could smoke together.
when i stood outside the club, i lit my cigarette and inhaled the smoke deeply and blew it out again. "god this feels sooo good " i thought.
i got lost in my mind a bit and thought about Richard, about the fun times and about the sad, we had just so less time to share together when we both noticed we loved eachother.
"Don't think about him " i heard Steel saying.
She smiled to me and she said " it's our night out, a girlsnight... don't think about him, it just will spoil everything before the tour, we need to concentrate and this is our chance to party untill we get totally drunk!"
i looked at her and nodded and said "your right, i just couldn't help it..."
Steel hugged me and said " don't worry sister, we will always be here for you!" and with that she litted her own cigarette and inhaled the smoke deeply and blew it out again.
she smiled and said "god, i really needed this..."
i laughed and said "your not the only one!
we went back inside when we were finishing smoking, and when we got back to the girls, we drunk our beers in one shot and i WON!!
so i said "cool, another round! on my money!!"
they all joined in and i went to the bar to order 5 beers and when i came back we finished it, this time i lost cause i had to laugh about Sara her face.
after a few hours i was totally drunk and i told the girls i had to go to the toilet.
when i came out of it, i walked against someone, and i fall on the ground and i giggled and said " oh no, i felled" and i tried to get up again, but every time i tried i failed.
then a hand reaches out and i grabbed it carefully and with an huge force he pulled me up and i fall against him and hugged him accidentally and when i pulled back i giggled and said "sorry, thanks for helping me."
the man smiled and said "you're okay?, you seem a bit to drunk!"
i giggled and said "no, i am not!, i'm just having fun tonight!!"
the man laughed and said " were are your friends ?, and i pointed to the girls and i said "i can save myself now"
the man smiled and said "your sure ? "
i nodded and giggled and said " you know, it's so funny, it's like i know you, but i can't remember where... "
the man smiled and said " i don't know it to!"
i giggled again and said "you know what? , you are sooo sexy" and i giggled again.
the man started laughing and i said " come here.."
And i looked in his adorable green eyes and kissed him on his lips, another second later, i winked at him and giggled and said "see ya later! " and when i wanted to walk away, i heard an man calling the man i was talking with.
and the man said "Lauri!, come on man! we have to go up early tomorrow!"
there hitted an light in my head, but i couldn't remember where i knew this man from...
when i went back to the girls, they all giggled with me and agreeded that the man was totally hot, but they were also sooo drunk that they couldn't remember where we knew him from....
next morning i woke up exhausted and with an huge headache and cursed myself for drinking to much.
i took an asperine and woke up the other girls, who were moaning to cause they didn't wanted to get up, but they knew we had to go, cause today we went on tour.
when we finally got our stuff together and were dressed we closed the appartment and took a taxi to an parkingplace in the middle of the centre of Almere.
when we arrived at the bus, we saw that The Rasmus already arrived and when i came out of the car and wanted to grab my luggage someone said "need some help ?"
and i giggled and said " yeah please!"
the man laughed and said "well, i'm Lauri, and you are ? "
i smiled and looked at the man and said "i'm Allissaa"
Lauri giggled a bit and said " you look like you have an hangover..."
i looked at him and said "oh, do i look so terrible ? " Lauri giggled and said " your entertainment of yesterday night was quiet funny!"
i looked at him in shock and said "omg, no .. was it you ? "
i blushed and said " what did i do ? " the other girls were looking at me and started laughing and i gave them a look like " just drop dead or something, it's not funny!" but the girls started laughing even more.
i looked embarresed and said to Lauri, " please forgive my behaviour, normally i don't get that drunk that i don't know what i'm doing anymore!"
Lauri smiled and said "it's okay, sometimes i'm so drunk to and then i don't know to what i've done!"
i giggled and said "thank god, then i'm not the only one."
but i still wanted to know what i did so i said "so what did i do to you yesterday ? "
Lauri giggled and said "do you really want to know ? "
i blushed again and said " tell me, it can't be that worse right? "
Lauri said "well, you walked against me, when you came out of the toilet, and you fell, you were so drunk so you couldn't help yourself on your feet, so i gave you an hand but you felt against me and you hugged me, then you started to tell me, how sexy i was and after that you kissed me and then you left to your friends!"
i looked at him horrified and said "omg, was that really me ? "
and i looked ashamed i guessed cause Lauri said " i thought it was qiuet funny and cute as how you looked and were!" and he said again " and to be honest... You looked stunning yesterday, and today also!"
i blushed and said " thanks!"
after that we went into the tourbus which we shared with The Rasmus, we all got our own bunker and i putted my stuff in there and made it my own place.
Lauri's bunker was next to mine and when he was finished he said "do you come to grab an beer? "
i nodded and said "hell yes!"
he laughed and we sat on the couch of the livingroom from the bus.
Lauri grabbed 12 beers out of the fridge and handed them over to us and he sat down next to me.
the guys introduced them to us, and so did we to them and we happily started an conversation...
"and this is an beginning of an great tour" i thought.
and then ...
*crash!!!*
"Oh Fuck you!" i heard Steel cursing. I had to giggle and said " Your okay Steel ? "
"I'm NOT okay!, REBEL YOUR FUCKING PLAYSTATION IS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM!! WHY??" i heard her saying.
And Rebel yelling back "NO, NOT MY PLAYSTATION!! HE HAS TO GO WITH ME ON TOUR!!"
and she jumped through the livingroom and picked it up and putted it carefully in her bag and putted the bag on a safe place were nobody would trip over it again.
we started packing again, and decided to have an girlsnight out only. that means for us....
totally getting drunk and enjoy the music!
so the plan was to go first to the pub and after that we would go into an club which only played Rock and Heavy metal and all that kind of stuff.
when we finished packing our stuff , we decided to change and i looked in my wardrobe, i just wanted to look totally stunning...
so i decided to put on a leather trouser (hell yeah !) and an corset which made my figure looking much better i thought.
i putted some make-up on and styled my hair a bit wild and on that moment Lenn came into my room and she laughed and said "Girl, your are born to be wild!"
i grinned to her and said " i know, sister!!"
Lenn then just asked "can i borrow an corset of yours?, i can't find my own!"
i nodded and said "just pick one out you like!"
Lenn did what i said, and lefted my room again. i putted some juwelry on me and looked at myself in the mirror, and i was satisfied with the issue of my look.
i came back into the livingroom and the girls said " Girl you like sexy! " i laughed it off and said " So do you girls!!"
We called an taxi, cause we knew we would get drunk tonight and we wanted to go back with an taxi as well.
when the taxi arrived we jumped in and he dropped as at an local pub where we sat down on an comfortable couch and ordered our beers.
when i stood at the bar to get some more beers, said someone " hello, precious..."
and i thought "Oh my fucking god, another fake metalhead..."
and i turned around and the man started to touch my ass, so i slowly said, "please don't touch my ass"
The man started laughing and did it again, and i said "man, this is your last warning..."
the barman said to me " And what would it be miss? "
i smiled and said " another 5 beers please..." and i paid the man inmidiatly.
and the man tried it again, he slapped my ass and i turned around and gave him a huge punch in his face and i said slowly " Hope you understand it now, i warned you!"
when i came back at the table, the girls were crying from laughter and i said "what? "
and Steel said " Why can't i punch such kind of man in his face! man i mean, they are only difficult when you are alone!"
i smiled and said " well as you girls saw, i can save my own!"
The girls started laughing again and they said "we feel with you!" and i looked sarcastic to them and said "yeah sure, i don't think so!"
they laughed even more, and after 10 beers i slowly started to feel an bit tipsy and feeling much better then i did since a very long time.
we decided to go to an club and we walked to the next club, when we went inside, i noticed an empty table and winked the girls and we occupied the table.
this round was for Steel, and she went up to get us some beers, i needed an cigarette, so i told the girls i was outside, and told them they had to tell Steel when she got back, so we could smoke together.
when i stood outside the club, i lit my cigarette and inhaled the smoke deeply and blew it out again. "god this feels sooo good " i thought.
i got lost in my mind a bit and thought about Richard, about the fun times and about the sad, we had just so less time to share together when we both noticed we loved eachother.
"Don't think about him " i heard Steel saying.
She smiled to me and she said " it's our night out, a girlsnight... don't think about him, it just will spoil everything before the tour, we need to concentrate and this is our chance to party untill we get totally drunk!"
i looked at her and nodded and said "your right, i just couldn't help it..."
Steel hugged me and said " don't worry sister, we will always be here for you!" and with that she litted her own cigarette and inhaled the smoke deeply and blew it out again.
she smiled and said "god, i really needed this..."
i laughed and said "your not the only one!
we went back inside when we were finishing smoking, and when we got back to the girls, we drunk our beers in one shot and i WON!!
so i said "cool, another round! on my money!!"
they all joined in and i went to the bar to order 5 beers and when i came back we finished it, this time i lost cause i had to laugh about Sara her face.
after a few hours i was totally drunk and i told the girls i had to go to the toilet.
when i came out of it, i walked against someone, and i fall on the ground and i giggled and said " oh no, i felled" and i tried to get up again, but every time i tried i failed.
then a hand reaches out and i grabbed it carefully and with an huge force he pulled me up and i fall against him and hugged him accidentally and when i pulled back i giggled and said "sorry, thanks for helping me."
the man smiled and said "you're okay?, you seem a bit to drunk!"
i giggled and said "no, i am not!, i'm just having fun tonight!!"
the man laughed and said " were are your friends ?, and i pointed to the girls and i said "i can save myself now"
the man smiled and said "your sure ? "
i nodded and giggled and said " you know, it's so funny, it's like i know you, but i can't remember where... "
the man smiled and said " i don't know it to!"
i giggled again and said "you know what? , you are sooo sexy" and i giggled again.
the man started laughing and i said " come here.."
And i looked in his adorable green eyes and kissed him on his lips, another second later, i winked at him and giggled and said "see ya later! " and when i wanted to walk away, i heard an man calling the man i was talking with.
and the man said "Lauri!, come on man! we have to go up early tomorrow!"
there hitted an light in my head, but i couldn't remember where i knew this man from...
when i went back to the girls, they all giggled with me and agreeded that the man was totally hot, but they were also sooo drunk that they couldn't remember where we knew him from....
next morning i woke up exhausted and with an huge headache and cursed myself for drinking to much.
i took an asperine and woke up the other girls, who were moaning to cause they didn't wanted to get up, but they knew we had to go, cause today we went on tour.
when we finally got our stuff together and were dressed we closed the appartment and took a taxi to an parkingplace in the middle of the centre of Almere.
when we arrived at the bus, we saw that The Rasmus already arrived and when i came out of the car and wanted to grab my luggage someone said "need some help ?"
and i giggled and said " yeah please!"
the man laughed and said "well, i'm Lauri, and you are ? "
i smiled and looked at the man and said "i'm Allissaa"
Lauri giggled a bit and said " you look like you have an hangover..."
i looked at him and said "oh, do i look so terrible ? " Lauri giggled and said " your entertainment of yesterday night was quiet funny!"
i looked at him in shock and said "omg, no .. was it you ? "
i blushed and said " what did i do ? " the other girls were looking at me and started laughing and i gave them a look like " just drop dead or something, it's not funny!" but the girls started laughing even more.
i looked embarresed and said to Lauri, " please forgive my behaviour, normally i don't get that drunk that i don't know what i'm doing anymore!"
Lauri smiled and said "it's okay, sometimes i'm so drunk to and then i don't know to what i've done!"
i giggled and said "thank god, then i'm not the only one."
but i still wanted to know what i did so i said "so what did i do to you yesterday ? "
Lauri giggled and said "do you really want to know ? "
i blushed again and said " tell me, it can't be that worse right? "
Lauri said "well, you walked against me, when you came out of the toilet, and you fell, you were so drunk so you couldn't help yourself on your feet, so i gave you an hand but you felt against me and you hugged me, then you started to tell me, how sexy i was and after that you kissed me and then you left to your friends!"
i looked at him horrified and said "omg, was that really me ? "
and i looked ashamed i guessed cause Lauri said " i thought it was qiuet funny and cute as how you looked and were!" and he said again " and to be honest... You looked stunning yesterday, and today also!"
i blushed and said " thanks!"
after that we went into the tourbus which we shared with The Rasmus, we all got our own bunker and i putted my stuff in there and made it my own place.
Lauri's bunker was next to mine and when he was finished he said "do you come to grab an beer? "
i nodded and said "hell yes!"
he laughed and we sat on the couch of the livingroom from the bus.
Lauri grabbed 12 beers out of the fridge and handed them over to us and he sat down next to me.
the guys introduced them to us, and so did we to them and we happily started an conversation...
"and this is an beginning of an great tour" i thought.
maandag 1 juni 2009
Love on the road Part 2
i stood in front of his house, and ranged the doorbell.
the door inmidiatly opened by Richard, and i felled sorry for him and i said " God, you look terrible what happend to you ? "
" She dumped me, she thinkes that i cheated on her..." he said and he started crying again.
I felt a lump in my throat, how would I not want to kiss him and tell him how much I love him and that he does not need her, because I always will love him.
i just stood there and i looked at him, and i saw the pain in his eyes, i couldn't resist it anymore and i hugged him and said " Everything is gonna be okay, you don't need her, look what she has done to you..."
Richard smiled, he knew i was right, but i just loved the girl, he had changed because of her, i already thought that wasn't good idea, but he did it. i thought he was perfect like the way he was.
i said "You understand now, that you are perfect like the way you are ? "
Richard smiled again and nodded and said "yeah, you're right, sorry that i didn't listen to you.."
"don't worry, we always will be friends forever, no matter what happends..." i said.
We decided to watch an movie, cause he won't think about her.
after a while he asked "you are staying over tonight ? "
i looked at him and said "you want me to stay over ? "
He looked at me and nodded, and said " you are everything that i need now..."
i smiled and said "okay, if you want me to stay, then i will stay.."
Later on the evening we went to bed, i pulled on my night suit, while he was watching me.
it made me feel a bit shy, cause he looked on a other way then he did before..
i've been staying over at his place many times, and he always saw me undressing myself and putting some night suit on, but then he didn't looked at that way as he was looking at me now.
i smiled at him and layed down in his bed and waited for him to come laid next to me.
When he layed next to me, he layed his arm around me and wished me goodnight.
i wished him goodnight to and went to sleep.
Next morning i woke up noticing that Richard already got out of bed, i heard the shower running and i waited for him to come out, so i could take an shower to.
Then suddenly the door opened and he walked naked through the room, i laughed and said "Put something on please!"
He just had to laugh to me and said "you like it, i can see it on your face, don't lie to me.."
i had to laugh even more and i said "you wish!!" but inside my body, my heart was pounding like crazy... GOD he looked damn good!
worst thing is... It's ages ago that i've had sex...
i expected that he was putting some clothes on but he came laid down on bed next to me,
and i asked dry "what are ya doing ? don't you have to dress yourself ? "
"God, was i really saying this ? STUPID ME" i thought.
Richard thought it was quiet funny cause he knew, i tried to resist him, he layed on the top of me and tried to kiss me.
But i turned my head and said " Richard what are you doing ? "
"kissing you" he said.
but i stopped him and said " Richard it's only been a day between you and ..."
but he layed his finger on my lips and said " i know, but i changed my mind, because i realised something this morning..."
"what ? " i said.
"I realised, that the person i love most, had always been close to me, but i didn't saw it.., and that person is you, and when i woke up this morning i realised how happy i was when you layed next to me..." Richard said.
"i..i...i don't know what to say.." i said.
" Say you love me.." He said.
i couldn't resist him any longer now, and i kissed him to let him know that i loved him.
That day, we made love all day together.
but it wasn't ment to be, i guess...
1 year later...
my phone goes when i'm in the studio after finishing shattered pieces, i heard Myron talking and crying on the other side of the phone...
and my phone falls to the ground and i'm crying, i feel the hot tears burning on my cheeks.
Why ? was i questening myself.
Why did he had to die in an fight, they stabbed him and runned away, when they found him it was already to late...
i drowned myself in misery and started writing sad lyrics.
i lost the lust to live and to rock. i grabbed a beer out of the fridge and started drinking, and i mean a lot.
when the doorbell goes off, i do not bother to open the door.
i didn't wanted company in any kind... i just wanted to be alone...
many times i tried to kill myself, why had this to be in this way ?? it makes me feel sick and lonely...
and i run to the bathroom and throw up in the sink. and i stared at myself in the mirror.
i just didn't knew what to do, suddenly i felt an hand on my shoulder and i looked at Lenn and i sank down on my knees and started crying again.
she hugged me and didn't knew what to say, but she said after a while "i will always be here for you.."
and i said " why does he had to die ?, first my parents and then him... it's just like God don't want me to be happy..."
and i sobbed in Lenn her arms, she called the other girls and said they had to come, to help me.
they didn't left me for an second, they standed by me and helped me with my sorrow.
slowly i started to accept, that he wasn't coming back anymore...
still i had my hard days, but the girls and me decided to buy an appartment together cause we made an promise and that promise is.. "we are sisters forever, through bad times and through good, we remember our dear beloved once but let them live with heavy metal!"
i smiled when me and the girls made that promise, i started to reveal some things and i totally concetrated on my music.
it make me work on it day and night, and when i was tired i got to sleep.
6 months later...
i was in the studio working on the lyric, it was early in the morning but i didn't mind, it was a hard day for me, cause i had to think about Richard, but i kept my promise to the girls and made heavy metal for him.
when the girls came in the studio, they noticed that i was already there, and they smiled, they knew i kept my promise to them, and that was good. they were happy to see that, and it was the way Richard wanted her to be.
i knew that to, and i told the girls what i made up for the new album...
another 6 months later...
when the girls and i were doing the repetition our manager came inside and said " News for you girls!
The Rasmus, wanted an new and good band for in their program, and they ask the band if you want to join them!
We all laughed and said "Are you serious Thomas!"
"wow that's so awesome! Let's do it!" i said.
and the girls nodded with me, we accepted the inventation to tour with The Rasmus.
Thomas nodded happily and said "knew you girls would like it, well the tour is starting about 1 month on first of July! that's one day after releasing your new album!
We sighed and noticed we had to work hard to catch up to the deadline, but we knew we would make it!
the door inmidiatly opened by Richard, and i felled sorry for him and i said " God, you look terrible what happend to you ? "
" She dumped me, she thinkes that i cheated on her..." he said and he started crying again.
I felt a lump in my throat, how would I not want to kiss him and tell him how much I love him and that he does not need her, because I always will love him.
i just stood there and i looked at him, and i saw the pain in his eyes, i couldn't resist it anymore and i hugged him and said " Everything is gonna be okay, you don't need her, look what she has done to you..."
Richard smiled, he knew i was right, but i just loved the girl, he had changed because of her, i already thought that wasn't good idea, but he did it. i thought he was perfect like the way he was.
i said "You understand now, that you are perfect like the way you are ? "
Richard smiled again and nodded and said "yeah, you're right, sorry that i didn't listen to you.."
"don't worry, we always will be friends forever, no matter what happends..." i said.
We decided to watch an movie, cause he won't think about her.
after a while he asked "you are staying over tonight ? "
i looked at him and said "you want me to stay over ? "
He looked at me and nodded, and said " you are everything that i need now..."
i smiled and said "okay, if you want me to stay, then i will stay.."
Later on the evening we went to bed, i pulled on my night suit, while he was watching me.
it made me feel a bit shy, cause he looked on a other way then he did before..
i've been staying over at his place many times, and he always saw me undressing myself and putting some night suit on, but then he didn't looked at that way as he was looking at me now.
i smiled at him and layed down in his bed and waited for him to come laid next to me.
When he layed next to me, he layed his arm around me and wished me goodnight.
i wished him goodnight to and went to sleep.
Next morning i woke up noticing that Richard already got out of bed, i heard the shower running and i waited for him to come out, so i could take an shower to.
Then suddenly the door opened and he walked naked through the room, i laughed and said "Put something on please!"
He just had to laugh to me and said "you like it, i can see it on your face, don't lie to me.."
i had to laugh even more and i said "you wish!!" but inside my body, my heart was pounding like crazy... GOD he looked damn good!
worst thing is... It's ages ago that i've had sex...
i expected that he was putting some clothes on but he came laid down on bed next to me,
and i asked dry "what are ya doing ? don't you have to dress yourself ? "
"God, was i really saying this ? STUPID ME" i thought.
Richard thought it was quiet funny cause he knew, i tried to resist him, he layed on the top of me and tried to kiss me.
But i turned my head and said " Richard what are you doing ? "
"kissing you" he said.
but i stopped him and said " Richard it's only been a day between you and ..."
but he layed his finger on my lips and said " i know, but i changed my mind, because i realised something this morning..."
"what ? " i said.
"I realised, that the person i love most, had always been close to me, but i didn't saw it.., and that person is you, and when i woke up this morning i realised how happy i was when you layed next to me..." Richard said.
"i..i...i don't know what to say.." i said.
" Say you love me.." He said.
i couldn't resist him any longer now, and i kissed him to let him know that i loved him.
That day, we made love all day together.
but it wasn't ment to be, i guess...
1 year later...
my phone goes when i'm in the studio after finishing shattered pieces, i heard Myron talking and crying on the other side of the phone...
and my phone falls to the ground and i'm crying, i feel the hot tears burning on my cheeks.
Why ? was i questening myself.
Why did he had to die in an fight, they stabbed him and runned away, when they found him it was already to late...
i drowned myself in misery and started writing sad lyrics.
i lost the lust to live and to rock. i grabbed a beer out of the fridge and started drinking, and i mean a lot.
when the doorbell goes off, i do not bother to open the door.
i didn't wanted company in any kind... i just wanted to be alone...
many times i tried to kill myself, why had this to be in this way ?? it makes me feel sick and lonely...
and i run to the bathroom and throw up in the sink. and i stared at myself in the mirror.
i just didn't knew what to do, suddenly i felt an hand on my shoulder and i looked at Lenn and i sank down on my knees and started crying again.
she hugged me and didn't knew what to say, but she said after a while "i will always be here for you.."
and i said " why does he had to die ?, first my parents and then him... it's just like God don't want me to be happy..."
and i sobbed in Lenn her arms, she called the other girls and said they had to come, to help me.
they didn't left me for an second, they standed by me and helped me with my sorrow.
slowly i started to accept, that he wasn't coming back anymore...
still i had my hard days, but the girls and me decided to buy an appartment together cause we made an promise and that promise is.. "we are sisters forever, through bad times and through good, we remember our dear beloved once but let them live with heavy metal!"
i smiled when me and the girls made that promise, i started to reveal some things and i totally concetrated on my music.
it make me work on it day and night, and when i was tired i got to sleep.
6 months later...
i was in the studio working on the lyric, it was early in the morning but i didn't mind, it was a hard day for me, cause i had to think about Richard, but i kept my promise to the girls and made heavy metal for him.
when the girls came in the studio, they noticed that i was already there, and they smiled, they knew i kept my promise to them, and that was good. they were happy to see that, and it was the way Richard wanted her to be.
i knew that to, and i told the girls what i made up for the new album...
another 6 months later...
when the girls and i were doing the repetition our manager came inside and said " News for you girls!
The Rasmus, wanted an new and good band for in their program, and they ask the band if you want to join them!
We all laughed and said "Are you serious Thomas!"
"wow that's so awesome! Let's do it!" i said.
and the girls nodded with me, we accepted the inventation to tour with The Rasmus.
Thomas nodded happily and said "knew you girls would like it, well the tour is starting about 1 month on first of July! that's one day after releasing your new album!
We sighed and noticed we had to work hard to catch up to the deadline, but we knew we would make it!
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